Alright, it’s time to get real.
I believe God is taking me on a journey of self reflection. I desire to know more of Him and who he has called me to be. In doing so, I begin to understand my desires, my strengths, and my weaknesses. So here I am, bare before you. Nothing to hide.
I think there’s freedom in understanding our faults, accepting them, and then bringing them to the light. It’s only through the light that honesty, healing, and change can occur. So with that said, these are the things that I struggle with, in my past as well as in my present. Perfectionism. Performance. People Pleasing.
We had a bible study last week that really hit home for me. The underlying message was about “being”, not “doing”. The truth is I’m accepted for who I am, not what I do or who I strive to be. I am complete in God’s image and I don’t have to perform for Him. I don’t have to strive for perfection. He loves me in my weaknesses. He loves me in my brokenness. He loves me just the way I am. This is the truth that I want to hold on to. I want to be God pleasing, not man pleasing. I want to be free from the bondage that I put on myself with unrealistic expectations of performance and image. I want to be free from the bondage of trying to meet other people’s expectations. It’s impossible, burdensome, and silly.
As I relate this “life lesson” to my time here in Cape Town, I’d like to focus on “being”, rather than “doing”. Yes, there are work assignments that I’m responsible to fulfill (which I look forward to being a part of). However, I would like to focus my attention on “being” in relationships – with patients in the health care center, with kids in the after school programs, with volunteers that work alongside me, etc. I don’t want to be distracted by the “to do” list that is constantly on my mind. I don’t want to have a hidden agenda of “converting” every random stranger to Christianity. I believe it’s through honest and genuine relationships that the Lord can and will work through me.
I also look forward to “being” in communion with the Lord. To understand what He delights in. To see the completeness of who He is. To know more of Him.
And finally, I look forward to just “being” me.
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4 comments:
Wow. Phenomenal. It's so exciting to see how God is growing and stretching you. I pray you continue to strive to please God, as you are. Keep it up Becky. God bless.
When you are focusing on the "being", the "doing" part comes quite naturally. Keep looking to God for the answers! And, always pray before you go shark diving.
Peace.
Thank you so much for keeping it real. It has really brought me truth and light. I have been struggling with the idea and the reality of going back to work. I continue to reflect on your words and they hit my heart deep. Thank you! Even though our physical journey is over together, I know we are on a spiritual journey together. Becky I really feel that we can be prayer partners through this. I love you girl and am very proud of you.
Sometimes I think it is important to remember that we "get" to do something rather than feeling like we "have" to do something. I have been working on this, because with a busy schedule, everything can feel like a job, when in reality we/I get to do many great things. Hope this can help you as your words help me so much.
Trav
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